Commitment

So I guess something I am beginning to learn about myself in the past year or so is how easily I jump to do something that excites me but how scared I am to commit.

I was really excited about starting blogging as is apparent from my first post. And here I am, over a week later, just getting back to it. I promise to not leave over a week between posts but I needed to be sure I was ready to do this. I definitely had to digest all that I had wrote and be prepared to air out some of my more personal experiences for random others to read.

When it came down to it, however, I am excited about doing this and enjoy to space to talk and let things out. I have started reading some other blogs lately (mostly healthy eating/fitness ones) and they have really inspired me as a way to connect to others and find accountability and support along my journey.

So I wrote the commitment piece as the title for another reason. Recently Eric and I have started apartment hunting!! I know, exciting, but scary as well. I have lived in either my parents house or college dorms all of my life (my parents house for the better part). The last two years I was in college I was an RA (Resident Assistant) and got to live in my own single room (with a bathroom for a little added independence). Although it never really felt like I was living on my own, it definitely gave me much more of a sense of freedom than I have now as I’ve moved back in with my parents. Although I love my family more than anything, I miss the feeling of independence I once had and the personal space (despite it being small) of before.

Its not so much a fear of living with Eric as it is a fear of moving out of a secure (mostly free!) location and into a smaller one that comes with monthly bills and stress and worries. As adult as I feel approaching my second year in Grad School, I still at times feel like I’m unprepared for certain responsibilities. Its an odd feeling to want to do something so badly but be so freaked out by it at the same time.

At times like this my anxious stomach is unstoppable. As my impulsive side keeps searching online for places and sending out emails, my body is taking on the stress that I am totally blocking from my mind. I guess it is a little selfish that I am interested in holistic counseling to learn more about the mind/body connection and the stress response (such a psychology nerd!).

Anyways, in terms of my day to day stuff, it leaves me taking more walks and trying to get in more yoga (trying be the key word there). My independent side is trying to keep it in other than talking to Eric, but my holistic side is telling me to talk stretch and walk it out. Hopefully I will do some of all of these, and keep the stress eating to a minimum.

I will write tomorrow (as we go on our first visit to a potential place!) and try to stay relaxed.