11 07 2010

Hello there!

First of all, this is my last post here…I am moving to a new blog that I think is more aptly named for this time in my life : Mindfully Emily. I will explain there why that is more of where I am at and where I want to be. But for now….

I have been a little absent lately but a great deal has been happening in my life. I’ve been taking some time to think about things and reevaluate. I also had an incredible experience with my first ever Reiki session. For any of you who have ever had an experience like this, you will know that it can be extremely moving and healing. It really spoke to me, so much more than many other healing modalities have. After all was said and done, it brought me back to why I initially started this blog: my journey.

I think for a while I have been frustrated that I am even on one: why can’t i just be there already and have it all figured out? But lately I have come to realize that the journey may just be the best part. The ups and downs, although at times extreme, are the reason for growth and development in my life. I am beginning to let go of the extreme need to know everything right now and am starting just enjoy things as they are in the here and now. A big part of my reiki experience was the realization that my mind is working so hard to know rather than listening to what my heart says. That’s where my new goal is. Listening to heart and letting my head have a break.

I am so much more excited to see where things take me and less stressed and anxious. Hopefully I will have more things to tell soon…at my new location of course: Mindfully Emily



13 04 2010

So I guess something I am beginning to learn about myself in the past year or so is how easily I jump to do something that excites me but how scared I am to commit.

I was really excited about starting blogging as is apparent from my first post. And here I am, over a week later, just getting back to it. I promise to not leave over a week between posts but I needed to be sure I was ready to do this. I definitely had to digest all that I had wrote and be prepared to air out some of my more personal experiences for random others to read.

When it came down to it, however, I am excited about doing this and enjoy to space to talk and let things out. I have started reading some other blogs lately (mostly healthy eating/fitness ones) and they have really inspired me as a way to connect to others and find accountability and support along my journey.

So I wrote the commitment piece as the title for another reason. Recently Eric and I have started apartment hunting!! I know, exciting, but scary as well. I have lived in either my parents house or college dorms all of my life (my parents house for the better part). The last two years I was in college I was an RA (Resident Assistant) and got to live in my own single room (with a bathroom for a little added independence). Although it never really felt like I was living on my own, it definitely gave me much more of a sense of freedom than I have now as I’ve moved back in with my parents. Although I love my family more than anything, I miss the feeling of independence I once had and the personal space (despite it being small) of before.

Its not so much a fear of living with Eric as it is a fear of moving out of a secure (mostly free!) location and into a smaller one that comes with monthly bills and stress and worries. As adult as I feel approaching my second year in Grad School, I still at times feel like I’m unprepared for certain responsibilities. Its an odd feeling to want to do something so badly but be so freaked out by it at the same time.

At times like this my anxious stomach is unstoppable. As my impulsive side keeps searching online for places and sending out emails, my body is taking on the stress that I am totally blocking from my mind. I guess it is a little selfish that I am interested in holistic counseling to learn more about the mind/body connection and the stress response (such a psychology nerd!).

Anyways, in terms of my day to day stuff, it leaves me taking more walks and trying to get in more yoga (trying be the key word there). My independent side is trying to keep it in other than talking to Eric, but my holistic side is telling me to talk stretch and walk it out. Hopefully I will do some of all of these, and keep the stress eating to a minimum.

I will write tomorrow (as we go on our first visit to a potential place!) and try to stay relaxed.